Bad service makes people crazy. Not just “this is an inconvenience” crazy, but raving lunatics. The reason: Whether we’re paying $5 for a hamburger or $200 for a multi-course dinner, there’s an expectation that good service is part of the deal. Cause if we wanted someone to ignore us and throw food on the table, well, we could stay home.
I’m not alone in my frustration. Last fall, Bruce Buschel created a major internet uproar when he wrote a business tome called 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do on a New York Times blog. Suffice to say, it hit a nerve. People are tired of rude waitstaff.
In the interest of fairness, let me say that 85% of waitstaff I’ve encountered are truly excellent. Servers often endure plenty of abuse from rude customers and for that I am truly sorry. (700 Things Restaurant Customers Should Never Do).
But here’s the thing: Most of us aren’t rude. We just want to come in, feel welcome, get our meal in a timely manner, and feel like we’ve gotten our money’s worth. Don’t take your bad day/bad boss/bad job/bad breakup frustrations out on me.
So, without going into great detail about the absolutely appalling restaurant situation that prompted this article (you’d know if you followed me on Twitter), here are BiteClub’s Seating and Greeting Rules of Engagement. The stopwatch idea was inspired by very successful local chef who uses his iPhone timer to see how quickly staff respond at other restaurants. I’ve consulted with other local chefs to see if my times are fair and reasonable. I think they are, but you may not. The debate begins…
SEATING AND GREETING RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
0-5 seconds: Greeting by a staff member. Ideally a host/waitstaff, but in a pinch, a friendly hello by a bartender, busser or even kitchen staff will suffice. Don’t make me wonder if I’ve become invisible. Cause trust me, I won’t be if you ignore me. +30 seconds? No sign of life? Leave. The sitch won’t improve. If I’m supposed to seat myself, please tell me that up front and let me know where the menus are (or ideally, hand me one).
>2 minutes: I should be seated with a menu. If the restaurant is crowded, I will know how long I have to wait (be honest, so I can make a decision to wait or not) and be directed to the bar or a comfortable waiting area. If I have reservations, I had better be headed to my table or know that you’re getting my table ready. Worst case scenario, set me up with a beverage and a realistic time line. Smiles, friendliness and complimentary sodas/water/bread will probably satisfy my frustration if you’re overbooked. Really.
>3 minutes: I will have a glass of water (on the table or on its way) and have been greeted by my server. Again, if you’re busy, just smile, say hello and let me know you’re on your way so I’m not wondering.
>6 minutes: Additions or specials have been conveyed. My order has been taken, or my server has checked in to see if I need more time. Come back within 3-4 minutes if I say I need more time.
…Reset your clock when ordering is complete…
+ 5-7 minutes (post-ordering): Simple appetizers or bread should be on the table. I’m here to eat, so I’m probably hungry. The longer I wait to put something in my mouth, the grumpier I get.
+ 8-15 minutes: If I’m not eating an appetizer, I probably want to know how my food is coming along. If it isn’t ready, give me a polite heads-up if I’m looking hungry. If I’m not eating after 20 minutes of waiting, either I have a special order or there’s a problem. If you screwed up in putting my order in, its your problem, not mine — if you can bring me a little bread, refill my soda, great. Give me updates. Make sure to put the afterburner on it. I’m not getting any happier.
+ 2-3 minutes after my food arrives: Check in. Some people find this annoying. But I’d rather nod my head with my face full of food than have to hunt around for my server for 15 minutes (as my food gets cold) because I need ketchup or a lemon.
> 5 minutes after I’m finished: Clear my plate or ask my if I’d like a box. Seriously. I don’t want to sit here with a dirty plate for 20 minutes.
> 5 minutes after my plate is cleared: Ask me about dessert. If I decline. Bring me the check within 2 minutes. Again, please don’t make me hunt you down.
These are basic rules of thumb. Clearly higher end restaurants may need a bit more time, and more casual spots may serve you more quickly. But here’s the thing: If a restaurant is off significantly, there’s a problem. When they’re off repeatedly, there’s a bigger issue at hand. And when they fail to make amends? Unforgivable.
“You have to read your table,” says Josh Silvers of Syrah Bistro and Jackson’s Bar and Oven. Acknowledging that sometimes there are miscommunications with staff that leave customers frustrated he adds, “In the end, it is our ultimate responsibility to make people happy.”
What’s your take? Does poor service make you crazy? Are you a server who is sick of rude customers? Sound off….
Not sure how I stumbled onto this post- I believe, Yahoo- but I’m happy I did. Thanks.
good lucks with that ones janet. see happens what when you do not comes to my restaurants. i am sorry
NARSI
I am totally blown away by reading Bite Club this morning. Here is a letter I composed a few days ago and sent today to Josh Silvers, a person I have heard is a really great guy. His staff and the person who hired them are not doing him a favor!
Dear Josh
I recently went to your restaurant for a late afternoon/early evening meal. We walked in at 5PM and were immediately seated by a server. There was lots of natural light from the windows. It was airy and modern. We, my husband and I, liked the environment very much. We were asked by a very nice, tall busser if we would like drinks. Our server arrived and told us the specials as well as took a drink order from my husband. When she returned with his drink my husband asked for a minute more before ordering….he was trying to negotiate what I would eat so that he might taste one of his runner-up choices off my platter. That minute became ten minutes but that was fine. We assumed she did not want to rush us. My husband ordered a salad and a side dish and I ordered a main course. The server asked if my husband wanted his salad and side at the same time and he said it didn’t matter but if the salad was brought sooner that would be ok. Twenty minutes had gone by and everything seemed fine. The salad arrived shortly (Butter lettuce salad) and it was delicious. I had a bite. I was very hungry and looking forward to my meal. The salad was cleared and ten minutes later, when I mentioned to my husband that I hoped the meal would soon arrive, our server came by and in passing said our second course would be up soon. It did not arrive for twenty more minutes–exactly one hour after we arrived at the restaurant, one hour in which I had had nothing to eat.
I don’t know, perhaps it was biological anger, but I was angry. Not openly angry, but with that kind of feeling from having been abandoned. The only person that had been attentive had been our busser. We saw our server all the time but she never seemed to see us. The maître d’ (headwaiter, host) was utterly unfriendly, I believe his name was Xxx, and once brushed past me as I headed to the restroom without eye contact or any physical/body language acknowledgement of my existence. Grant it, I am ‘grandmotherly’ but I am still alive and I am a customer! I wasn’t interested in anything but acknowledgement of, as I mentioned, my existence. He was running around being too important to make your customer feel welcomed or important herself….and my husband was equally neglected. A maître d’ should have an air of importance but he or she must share that sense of importance with the customer or there is no point to it. It’s not about the individual. It’s about the role they are playing–it’s about their position and responsibilities which include, certainly, an overall assessment of customer care–and definitely none of that was being done in regard to us. We may as well have not existed.
Today, I asked a friend whom I knew had been to Jackson’s, how her experience was and she said that her server was ‘too precious and the bartender downright rude.’ I had yet to tell her of my experience. I think you might have a problem here. If the maître d’ holds a high level of authority at your restaurant, he may be setting the mood and attitude that I, my husbend and my friend, found offensive.
In addition, a server should never lose track of the progression of each of her tables. Either she didn’t know or she didn’t care about our table. Her attitude was arrogant which I can tolerate in a server as long as she (or he) is good at what she does and respectful of me and with whomever I am seated. She should have served our meals unless she was very busy or appropriately occupied. If someone else must serve her customers their meal then she should have followed up almost immediately to see that all was well. The restaurant was not busy. Simply put, she did not wait on us. The busser did. So our value as customers could be gauged by the fact that in a not busy restaurant we were waited on almost entirely by an entry level employee.
Our meal was brought to us by our busser. Our server visited half way through the meal to ask how everything was going. I think it was my mood because I was not enjoying my meal, an item my son had had a few days earlier and had loved and recommended. I told her without emotion “okay” and she said good and left again without being the least bit curious as to why my response was not more enthusiastic. Though she was within our sight she was not to be seen at or near our table again until she arrived to take our dessert order. Our busser had already cleared our meals, boxed leftovers, and brought dessert menus and fresh coffee before she saw fit to come by.
The busser, kind as he was, should not have been assuming the role of the server and there should have been someone in place for him to go to in order to appropriately advocate for the customer–assuming the server was being unresponsive to his notifications. He should have been saying, “I will inform your server….” instead of taking on a role that was not his to take.
My husband is an attorney in town. I have lived here all my life excepting a few away-years spent in Europe, Mexico, and the Sierra Foothills. When I was younger I worked in several restaurants including with John Ash at Courthouse Cafe and then later at his own restaurant under his name. My husband and I eat out frequently and we enjoy going out to eat with friends. I mention this because I am quite familiar with what can and should be expected during a dining out experience. I am not old fashioned and I am not demanding.
I am writing because I feel for you, the owner of two great restaurants, naturally somewhat out of touch and with so much at risk….I am assuming that if you were aware of my experience you would not be pleased.
Being overly snooty around ones customers is as ridiculous as is flirting or becoming overly friendly. Please remind your wait staff that if they are going to put on airs that their customer should never feel the victim, but rather the exception, like a friend.
Your maître d’ should have a deep understanding of the idea of how easily he can be replaced. A most central part of his job is to oversee and make sure all the customers feel welcomed. You may be blind to the fact of how offensive he is. He may be a friend. That makes it difficult but you have a beautiful restaurant and you have a very good reputation so you are the one with all the leverage and so much to lose.
Forgive me for only signing my first name. I will also give my cell #. I am sending my cell so that if you would like to confirm my authenticity you may, and speak with my husbend for that matter if you wish, but would rather keep this anonymous. We have no interest in being compensated as we intend to return to have those fabulous beignets one evening soon and give you a second chance.
Best Wishes
Janet
applause for doron
I would like to post an update to my comments regarding Jacksons Bar and Oven. I received a nice call from Josh Silver, the owner, who apologized profusely for the way I was treated, and explained the impossibility if running a restaurant sans computers. We agreed that the sitaution was understandeable, but that the hostess handled the situation poorly. He kindly offered to treat me next time I am in. I would therefore like to state for the record, Thank you Josh Silver, you exemplify great service and are a quality restauranteur. I look forward to going back to Jackson’s and enjoying the food.
Thanks Anon…
I heard from another chef who printed it out for their staff, too. I think the takeaway here is that for the most part restaurants and staff work really hard to do the right thing. THere are some bad eggs, but I really appreciate how much response this article has garnered.
Heather ~
I thought this was an amazing article, and as a manager at a restaurant, I made sure to have this article posted where all of my staff could read it: bartenders, servers, bussers, hostesses, and even the back of the house staff. I want to lead a staff that is both professional and personable and I truly believe that it is not the food that brings the customer back, it is the hospitality.
As a person who has been in the customer service and restaurant industry for most of her life, I have experienced both roles of hospitality: that of a server and that of a diner. My best experiences as a diner have been of servers who went out of their way to connect with me as a human being. The funny thing is, my best experiences as a server have also been of customers who have gone out of their way to connect with me as a human being.
There have been times where I have had customers see my title as “Server” and unfortunately, have treated me as so. They do not make this an easy job. However, for every one customer out there that treats me as such, there are ten times the amount that lift my spirits and remind me of why I am in this business in the first place. These customers are the reason why I love my job – the tip is just a bonus.
If you are a server, please remember there is a reason why we are in the hospitality business – it is because we are hospitable and the restaurant is our home; our customers – our company. The best motto you can live by in this business is to not take anything personally.
If you are a customer, please remember that we too, are living and breathing human beings only trying to make your experience all the more enjoyable (most of us, anyways). And like all other creatures, mistakes are a real possibility (EX: Although I am not condoning it, please remember Doran, Jackson’s B&O is a brand new restaurant, and they can only learn through their mistakes. The same goes for young servers eager for turnover and money… with time comes patience and experience).
Once again, I would like to reiterate how much I agree with your article and the timelines. However, those who cannot practice patience or compassion should be neither customer, nor server.
Yes,
Re: clearing plates…I absolutely detest it when servers/bussers are snatching empty plates away from the table while others are still eating.
How you get this to stop?
I’ve always sucked at math.
A very good article. Thanks.
One point: your >2 minutes really should be <2 minutes (less than, not more than).
Heather — I think Josh Silvers’ comment truly sums it up…”Know your table.” The best service is the most inconspicuous service. There’s that special moment where the diner is just beginning to look at their water glass and thinks, “Hmmm…maybe I’d like some more water,” and then the waiter magically appears to refill the glass. Or the meal is essentially finished, you’re chatting with your friends as you sip the last of your coffee, and you decide it’s time to ask for the check, and again, like magic, the waiter appears to ask if you’d like the bill. Excellent, professional servers have eyes in the backs of their heads, know how to see the whole room as they pass through it, sense where every table is at all times and who’s going to need attention next. They do NOT barge into diners’ conversations without waiting respectfully to ask if something is needed.
Re: clearing plates…I absolutely detest it when servers/bussers are snatching empty plates away from the table while others are still eating. Trying to rush me out?
And after reading “100 Things for Customers!” comments, all I can say is, “Please tell me what restaurant you work at so I can avoid it!” How about a little respect for me, your customer? Do you think I don’t know how to dine out? Did you actually just call my children ‘rugrats’? Are you telling me how much I must tip a server (quality of service irrelevant)? This is not the time to give potential customers a snotty, imperious lecture on how we are required to behave in order to receive polite, professional and efficient service from you. You are obviously burned out and have no business working in fine dining.
Hey I treat waitstaff like GOLD (when it’s deserved).
But saying that people can’t tip what they feel like tipping is ridiculous. Sans economy, I care less about how uppity the restaurant is. If the service is good, I’ll tip good. If it’s not, then I won’t. No patron is required to give a certain percent. You’re a waiter/waitress. And while you may be going through college, EVERYONE is struggling so save the sob story. You have a job. Be happy!
p.s. Saying “the folks who are waiting tables in higher end places are more often than not, well educated doing their lives” doesn’t bode well for your point you’re attempting to make. Hell, I work in computer operations for people making MILLIONS yet get paid pesos. But you don’t hear me complaining!
I totally agree, Stacy. One of the biggest gripes I’ve heard from waitstaff in this economy is how crappy they get treated and how people leave cheap tips at high end restaurants. I agree.
Here’s a question, though…
What’s considered a reasonable tip? It used to be that 18% was good and 20% excellent. But now I’m seeing 25% as a suggestion. Leaving 1/4 of the bill seems a bit steep. I tend to be a 18-20%er.
Interesting, I’ve worked in many high end restaurants and I have a list for you, dear customers! I find majority of you don’t know how to dine out. Don’t reach for your plate as the server places it in front of you. Don’t think you can leave less of a tip in this economy-if you cant fully pay for the meal and gratuity-newsflash-you cant afford that restaurant! Dont bring your kinds to a restaurant that doesnt cater to children-there is a reason why the establishment only has one high chair-we are limiting the number of rug rats! Dont ask your server what he /she likes and then proceed to argue that it cant be the best thing ont he menue and you wouldn’t order it-that’s plain dumb. If you’re rude to your server. I’ve got more….Point is, the folks who are waiting tables in higher end places are more often than not, well educated doing their lives and making the best of it. Please, customers be nice, respectful and treat your waitstaff with respect! Believe me you will be met with the same.
Good work, Heather!
At one point in my checkered career, I worked in Quality Assurance for a well reviewed chain of upper end eateries.
I dined incognito and actually timed each of the phases you so aptly describe in your piece.
If a service staff did not average roughly the time frame you recommend, the manager was considered in need of coaching and his/her staff in need of training or closer supervision….
And on a more personal note I’ve noticed lately that I have to ASK for a glass of water AND request ice.
The other night I stopped at a well known local eatery for a cuppa and a piece of their famous pie. I knew exactly what I wanted but because the waiter had not brought me a glass of ice water, requested it along with the coffee and sweet.
Sadly, I got my coffee first and had worked my way through an entire cup before the pie arrived. The waiter looked surprised that I still wanted water when I reminded him….
sigh….
Hope your piece triggers a revival of the old days when a glass of ice water was automatic and happened immediately after being seated…
Me and my husband went to Jackson’s B&O and had similar issues as Doron and after some time, we left and went to another fine place that the service was great.
Brava, Heather! Every year when the Zagat Guide comes out, service always seems to be among the top two issues about bad dining. Your rules are indeed right on but I suspect there are some customers who may sit there with a stop watch when most might think good service is really just good common sense. Most places, even the smaller less expensive ones, do a good job generally in Sonoma County. My personal biggest gripe is when someone at the table dislikes a dish, and the wait person picks it up without saying a word. Recently, a young waitress saw the food, and asked about it. When we replied it was not very good, she offered to take it off the menu. We refused because it wasn’t bad cooking, we simply didn’t care for the dish. She insisted on bringing us a piece of dessert on the house. Now, that’s good service! No surprise because it is one of the best breakfast/lunch places in town! The whole staff is generally very good and personable.
The only item I would like to clarify is when to clear the plates. Some people are fast eaters, and some are slow. If I’m the slowest eater at the table, then I don’t want to be sitting there with my food when everyone else’s plates have been cleared. I understand that everyone else might not want to sit with their empty plate in front of them, either. I think the server should check with the entire table to see if they are ready to have their plates cleared – not one-by-one.
Since retiring 7+ years ago, I have lots of time on my hands & have spent some of it learning to cook. I do my best to not eat out, as I usually prefer the taste of my own cooking & what’s supposed to be hot is hot, what’s supposed to be cold is cold, a drink refill is just steps away, noone asks me how everything is when my mouth is full &, to top it off, the price is right & the tip is mine.
I think being rushed is one of my biggest pet peeves. I think your timing in general makes sense but I don’t think it has to be so rigid. I am perfectly happy to be acknowledged when I come in to any establishment but if it’s 10 seconds after I walk in…no biggie.
Finally someone addresses this issue! Bad service has been making me crazy for years! It seems that somewhere along the way Customer Service has suffered in just about every business, not just the restaurant business. Thank you for writing this!
During Sonoma County Restaurant Week…..I went to one of restaurants. It was not crowded & we ordered the pix fixe menu. One of us was served….and almost 20 minutes later, the rest of us were.
AND when I spoke to management, they apologised but did Nothing to “sooth us”. No offer of a free drink or extra dessert or anything.
Sure, the apology was nice (what else could she say?)….but clearly I won’t return.
and this was during that special week to attract customers. One shudders to think what it’s like the rest of the year.
Bob…
Seems to me that the server is the first line of defense, meaning that yes, you should go through them. If they can’t (or won’t) fix it, then you should elevate the issue. But give them the opportunity to help you first.
Absolutely agree with the spirit of this post. Certainly we can debate the exact timings, but the general sense of being well cared for is universally important, from fast food to five star! Ironic that you quote the folks from Jackson’s, since last time I was there they broke ALL the rules: ignored me when I came in, told me that the computers were down (understandable), and then refused to seat me, told me to stand and wait awkwardly in the middle of the restaurant, and didn’t even offer me a glass of water (unforgivable). Naturally, we left and took our business elsewhere (thanks Starks), and I don’t plan on going back. Not because of the computer problem, or even the fact that they could not serve me (again, these things happen), but because the staff treated me and my business clients like something brown and sticky on the bottom of their shoe. If Josh Silvers is reading this, you better keep an eye on that front of house, because by breaking the rules enumerated here they lost you both short-term and long-term business, and inspired a yelp downgrade from 4 stars to 1. I will forgive alot if I am treated well, and get real mad if not. I don’t believe I am alone in this!
One more thing in relationship to the checking in part following meal service: What happens to a less than positive response to, “Is everything okay?” Does the server really want to hear that there are issues with what’s just been served? Or would it be better to ask for the manager so that you can air the matter and then look for an appropriate course of action to be taken?
Yeah, guess I’m of the mind that I”d like to get the bill out of the way. I think its perfectly polite to say, “I’ll take this whenever you’re ready. No rush.” That way I can decide, rather than sitting there for hours wondering where they went.
Totally agree with all of this except one thing- I don’t necessarily think they need to bring the check as soon as you say you don’t want anything else. I don’t mind restaurants who prefer to not bring the check unless specifically requested so you don’t feel rushed. Also, having worked as a server myself, I’m always perplexed when the service is great all night and then toward the end, you can’t find your server to save your life. I mean, I’m no business genius, but I’d think they’d especially want to pay attention to you when it’s “tippin’ time”, no?
Thanks Joe! You’re right.
These are great basics for any food service establishment to follow! Nice work heather!
One thing to note about wine service, probably appropriate since this is wine country, right?
Upon placing an order for a glass of wine (or beer), I’d absolutely expect to receive my wine before the food arrives.
Before bringing me an entree or successive course, inspecting the volume of wine in my glass is essential!
If I am on the last sip and I have not been offered another glass before my next plate arrives I am going to be getting upset. Especially if I am left alone with my nose in the wine list while my food sits in front of me and gets cold. After selecting and ordering a wine I fully expect it to be in front of me ideally before, but no less than 30 seconds of my plate arriving at the table.
Cheers!