Who wouldn't love this guy?

I just can’t quit Anthony Bourdain. He’s a smug, foul-mouthed, boozy nihilist. He’s a poster boy for the schticky celebrity chefs he routinely skewers. His kitchen-cred is admittedly questionable, he’s not shy about where women belong, and the whole Quentin Tarantino channeling Hunter S. Thompson gets a little grating after 40 episodes or so.

Yet we, his brooding followers, can never get enough of King Tony’s bad boy antics and alcohol-fueled adventures. As the Patron Saint of Egoist Chefs, Dean of Maliciously Delicious Tweets and Railer Against Food D-Baggery, we eagerly dissect every episode of No Reservations and now, The Layover. We cheer as countless Kitchen Dimwits, Culinary Poseurs, food writers, and, well, most of the Food Network fall upon his sword. Huzzah!

So it’s with girlish glee we welcome Tony’s return Feb. 10, 2012 with the Chef Eric Ripert (“Good”) in the continuation of their show, “Good vs. Evil” at the Wells Fargo Center for the Arts. You will be there, of course, eating up every word as he skewers Guy, Rachel, Paula (Oh, Paula)  and an ever-broadening list of celebrity targets. We will even come back for more as he dismisses Wine Country while blathering on and on and on about how great San Francisco is. He doesn’t mean it. Really, he doesn’t.

Need a ticket, you say?

Here’s the deal: Outline a script for a Layover in Sonoma County. Trot out the really weird, funky stuff he’d see here. Suggest a dive bar spot for playing quarters with Doug Keane and Doug Richey (right?) while discussing the finer points of the foie gras ban. Where to get his hands dirty (I’m thinking Lou Preston would school him good). What other local food characters and shenanigans shall we put on display? Methinks a trip to Mark Maliki’s Casino might be in order? A little of Mateo’s hot sauce? A dive into the Hello Cello Limoncello vats? A trip to all of Guy’s favorite local DDD spots?

We’re rife with possibilities.

I’ll judge the two best comments and award you each TWO TICKETS for the show. (Wanna buy ‘em? They’re almost sold out, but here you go). I’ll announce the winner on Feb. 8.

Will Bourdain ever see ‘em? Come on. This guy is has insulators for his insulators. Not bloody likely. But we can live in the satisfaction that we’re good enough. We’re worthy enough. And at least Guy likes us.

Hooters Rohnert Park

Hooters is an anachronism, wrapped in soft core exploitation, enrobed in cliches and regional stereotypes, topped with a cherry of banality. Which is exactly why so many people love it from coast to coast.

The national restaurant chain that self-deprecatingly describes itself as  “Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined,”opened its Rohnert Park outpost on Jan. 30, 2012 just weeks after the San Francisco franchise shuttered. The main selling point: Busty young women in booty shorts and tight tank tops.

I mean chicken wings.

Just kidding. It’s the ladies.

Filled to capacity with good old boys in pickups, minivan grannies, gawkers, looyloos and other assorted locals, the queue started early and lasted throughout opening day. Why? Apparently resistance to clinging orange polyester is futile to large portions of the population.

So here’s your guide to the Hoot-tastic Hootiness that is Hooters Rohnert Park. Whether you go is entirely up to you.

The Ladies
Yes, the Hooters Girls are very attractive. Very. Attractive. Yes, you can take a picture with them. Yes, they have uniform inspections each day (so nothing is hanging out too far) and yes, they have to wear those tan support hose and scrunchie socks. No, there is nothing X-rated here and you’ll see far more jiggling flesh at any local nightclub or public pool. Hooters hired 85 women for the RP store (a number of which go to SSU), but there is currently at least one national calendar girl on the floor. I’d venture to guess that most of them have higher IQ’s than their customers (because a lot of people asked me that) and make more money, too. Yes, they’re flirting with you, because that’s part of the gig, not because you’re so darned irresistible. And yes, they will call a manager on you if you get too fresh, Mr. Grabhands. Want the inside story?

The Food & Drinks
The food isn’t really the main attraction, unless of course it’s the wings. They’re really good, and I have at least one other chef to back me up on that. “Hot” isn’t that hot and fried is the way to go. DO NOT LOOK AT THIS nutritional information. Really. Don’t. The tater tots covered in cheese, sour cream and bacon aren’t bad either if you can stomach eating them while looking at the pert and perfect body of the girl serving them to you. Get a side of  hot sauce to dip ‘em in. Don’t believe it when your Hooters Girl says, “Oh! I eat those ALL the time!” She doesn’t. They also have salads if that’s what you’re into. There are 32 beers on tap and a full cocktail menu with no prices. Flat screen TV’s are strategically located throughout the restaurant and the bar takes up a good one-third of the space. It would be a very lively place to, say, watch a major sporting event coming up.

The Significant Other
Make sure you’ve worked out rules in advance if you’re going in as a couple. Personally, I say visual hall pass. Just don’t come crying to me when you strain your neck, Sir Gawksalot. Just means you can’t see me eating all your tater tots and I have something to make you feel guilty about later. Of course, your tolerance may vary.

The Entertainment
Hula hoops come out from time to time — we hear mostly for birthdays. It’s rumored that part of the hiring process involves being able to pour a beer while hula-hooping. We also hear that the interview process to become a Hooter’s Girl is pretty short. Training takes much longer. Because it takes some finesse to deal with that leering 45-year-old contractor with hot sauce on his face and a beer belly who just pinched your buns.

The Moral Lesson
Families are welcome. The atmosphere is more wholesome than you might imagine and offers many opportunities for teachable moments.

The Bottom Line:  Go or don’t. The scene is somewhere between lowbrow train wreck and titillating entertainment, depending on how often you actually get out. The wings are pretty tasty, the beer cold and the service extremely cordial. Most folks will likely find it a one and done kind of experience, but again, your tolerance may vary.

Hooters, 6099 Redwood Dr., Rohnert Park.

(more photos here)

*Feminist credentials available upon request.

“It’s stupid. It’s just a misguided law,” said Chef Doug Keane, of Cyrus restaurant in Healdsburg.

Others use words like “crazy”, “unfair”, “ridiculous,” and a host of less savory terms when it comes to a food many toques consider sacred.
Keane is among a handful of chefs who have toured and watched foie gras production before deciding whether or not to keep it on the menu. Few politicians, he contends, have done the same. He is also among a number of chefs who have been picketed and assaulted by protesters for serving the controversial meat, and continues to keep it on his menu.

“This is a tradition that is thousands of years old. To deny this right of passage for any chef, who spends their life in the most fruitless of industries, just isn’t going to work,” said Chef Doug Richey, currently in the planning stages for a new restaurant and former chef of Santi. Across his knuckles the words FOIE GRAS are tattooed as a permanent and very public statement about a food product he passionately defends.

At the center of this polarizing gastro-feud among animal-rights advocates, politicians, chefs and luxury-food consumers is a specific bit of offal. Prized for centuries by the French, foie gras is the fatted liver of a duck. The birds in nature gorge themselves in the fall as they prepare for long migrations, storing fuel internally for the energy they’ll need. The unctuous fat content and indescribably rich, creamy flavor makes it highly sought-after and revered by chefs.

Taking advantage of the duck’s natural proclivity to overeat, production facilities use a controversial method of force-feeding the French called gavage. Advocates say the ducks, which lack a gag reflex, don’t mind the feedings and, in fact, come running for the extra food. Detractors point to documented injuries to foie gras ducks who have suffer ruptured organs and misery as a result of poorly performed gavage. As a result, California enacted Senate Bill 1520 in 2004, completely banning the production and sale of foie gras throughout the state beginning on July 1, 2012. The city of Chicago enacted a ban on foie gras in in 2006, but overwhelmingly overturned it two years later.

With eight years between Gov. Arnold Scharzenegger’s signing and actual enforcement, the threatened ban has been mostly static for foie gras lovers, who have continued to indulge at dozens of Bay Area restaurants that serve it without reservation. But with the deadline looming, chefs are beginning to think about what a future without legal foie gras will look like.

“I think its a shame, because the majority of people who voted for the law have never tried (foie gras) or don’t know what it is,” said Josh Silvers of Petite Syrah restaurant. “They saw a bunch of posters and pictures that, frankly, are ugly but not representative of how purveyors like Sonoma Artisan Foie Gras do things. Those ducks live a really nice life, and they have one really bad day and that’s it.”
His menu has long featured the delicacy, but come July he likely will pull it.

“In my dreams I won’t have to worry about it, but I know there won’t be a seller in California for restaurants. And there’s going to be a $1,000 fine for selling it,” he said.

Exactly who or how the law will be enforced is another question. According to the bill, a “peace officer, officer of a humane society, officer of an animal control or animal regulation department may issue a citation” and the county district attorney or city attorney may prosecute.
Already chefs and enthusiastic foie gras lovers are talking about ways around the law. In Chicago, chefs served $8 glasses of bubbly for $22 and gave a “complimentary” serving of foie gras to patrons. Underground foie gras dinners are likely to pop up, serving foie secreted across borders. In fact, some see the whole prohibition as a boon.

“Demand and production went up in Chicago during their prohibition,” said Richey. “I’m already thinking of speakeasy style communication and off-menu items. People are gonna get really creative.”

Statewide, a number of chefs are planning multi-course foie gras dinners as the end date approaches. In San Francisco, celebrity chef Chris Cosentino, well-known for his nose-to-tail philosophy, organized a meeting of chefs to discuss the ban in October. He plans to continue the fight against the ban with dinners and fundraisers. A petition to keep foie gras legal has been created by the Artisan Farmers Alliance.

Others have a more resigned public stance. “Foie gras has been a mainstay of classical cuisine for centuries and is one of the most popular menu items at our restaurants,” said Dustin Valette, executive chef at Dry Creek Kitchen in Healdsburg. “Although earlier methods may have been primitive, there have been mindful modifications in the way foie gras is produced and we have always been conscious of sourcing from these humane vendors.

“With that said, rules are rules and when SB1520, forbidding the production and sale of foie gras in California, takes effect in July we will abide.”

The big question for many locals, however, is whether Sonoma-Artisan, which produces foie gras in Sonoma County, will remain in Sonoma County. Though the owner did not return calls, an employee of the business said that they are still investigating the possibility of legal solutions for continuing their business from California. Precluding that, however, they will relocate.

Not all chefs are foie gras supporters. Chicago Chef Charlie Trotter banned it from his kitchens in 2005 and L.A.’s Wolfgang Puck eliminated it from his menus in 2007. The expensive, luxury nature of foie gras, along with its sky-high fat and caloric content, aren’t helping its cause in a nation suffering from economic doldrums and epidemic levels of obesity. Animal-rights activists see all the posturing as futile.

“This is a rather embarrassing temper tantrum on the part of these chefs; the bill will take effect whether they like it or not,” said Lindsay Rajt, an associate director with the group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, in a recent interview.

EDUCATE YOURSELF

Read SB1520

PRO
- Chris Cosentino’s “Shock and Foie”
- Serious Eats: Why Foie is not Unethical
- Dan Barber on a “humane” foie gras production in Spain

NEUTRAL(ISH)

- Chef’s Directory: Video of duck production at Fortnum and Mason, a foie gras producer

CON
- Humane Society page on force-fed animals
- PETA’s “delicacy of Despair”
- Farm Sanctuary: No Foie Gras

Two former fans, Scott Diaz and Andrew Simontacchi, purchased the grill in the Montecito Center from former owner Jeff Gonsalves with plans to  reopen the restaurant mid-February, 2012. They’ve taken the last few months to rehab the 30-year-old space — in need of a new drainage line — with new flooring, furniture, a power cleaning and a other updates. But the vibe, said Diaz, and the name will remain.

“The place is going to look good. We’re keeping the tradition and the menu, but adding a few new specialties.”

Gonsalves, the second owner of the restaurant, closed it in Nov. 2011.

(Thanks BiteClubbers, for the tip!!)

Ravenous Cafe | Mark Aronoff

Chef Mark Stark and his wife, Terri of Stark Reality Restaurants, are in the process of purchasing The Ravenous Cafe in Healdsburg.

“It wasn’t planned,” said restaurateur Mark Stark, who’s company now owns five restaurants in Sonoma County including Stark’s Steakhouse, Monti’s Rotisserie and Willi’s Winebar in Santa Rosa and Willi’s Seafood in Headlsburg. “The owners wanted to go back and do something smaller. It came across our plate and…you just can’t help but walk into that building and say ‘Wow, this is so cool’.”

The restaurant is continuing operations as Ravenous currently, but the Starks plan to rename and revamp the menu as traditional Spanish/Greek tapas by spring. “When Terri and I went to Spain last year, we just fell in love with that way of eating, with everyone sharing and having really cool food. It just creates a kind of party atmosphere.

The signature orange walls and back patio are staying, along with much of the small cafe’s funky personality. “It reminds us a lot of Willi’s,” said Stark.

It’s rumored that the cafe owners plan to put their energy into the tiny Ravenette Cafe on North Street, which shuttered in 2009.

“We were approached by Josef and Jill Keller to purchase. It was an easy choice for us. It was time for us to retire,” said Kendra McCoy.

BiteClub hasn’t yet reached Keller for comment, but McCoy said the cafes and catering business won’t change immediately, though Keller will likely take over operations in the next week or so and add his own touches.

“He’s anxious to get started,” said McCoy. “Josef is very interested in doing more of the takeout biz rather than the fine dining he did in the past,” she added.

Keller retired from Josef’s in April 2010, followed by a stint revamping the menus  for The Council on Aging’s Meals on Wheels program. One of the largest meal providers in they county, he oversaw preparations for nearly 1,000 meals a day and got used to more everyday cooking like turkey meatloaf, chicken curry with basmati rice and beef Stroganoff.

As for the McCoy’s next chapters: “I want to clean my  house. I’m just interested in simplifying my life quite a bit,” said Kendra.

Pearson and Co. locations include cafe and coffee carts at the Stein Complex on Old Redwood Highway at Santa Rosa Kaiser Permanente, 2500 Mendocino Ave. and the original location at 2579 Fourth St. in Santa Rosa. The original cafe opened in 1996 as one of the first gourmet take-out cafes in Sonoma County by Larry & Karen Pearson.

Have a P&Co. fave that you don’t want changed? Sound off!

Spaghetti Pizza at Rosso

Missed celebrating National Spaghetti Day? So did we.

Fortunately Rosso Pizzeria & Wine Bar offers up its spaghetti and meatball pizza, called the Goomba, daily. Though it may sound like something straight from the kiddie menu, this grown-up, wood-fired pizza is anything but childish. In fact, it’s one of their best sellers.

Hailing from their days at Tra Vigne, co-owner Kevin Cronin said the spaghetti pizza was a popular staff nibble during busy shifts when crusts became a handy on-the-go transport for bites of spaghetti and meatballs. You’ll be a believer.

53 Montgomery Drive  Santa Rosa, 544-3221.