Hooters Rohnert Park

Hooters is an anachronism, wrapped in soft core exploitation, enrobed in cliches and regional stereotypes, topped with a cherry of banality. Which is exactly why so many people love it from coast to coast.

The national restaurant chain that self-deprecatingly describes itself as  “Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined,”opened its Rohnert Park outpost on Jan. 30, 2012 just weeks after the San Francisco franchise shuttered. The main selling point: Busty young women in booty shorts and tight tank tops.

I mean chicken wings.

Just kidding. It’s the ladies.

Filled to capacity with good old boys in pickups, minivan grannies, gawkers, looyloos and other assorted locals, the queue started early and lasted throughout opening day. Why? Apparently resistance to clinging orange polyester is futile to large portions of the population.

So here’s your guide to the Hoot-tastic Hootiness that is Hooters Rohnert Park. Whether you go is entirely up to you.

The Ladies
Yes, the Hooters Girls are very attractive. Very. Attractive. Yes, you can take a picture with them. Yes, they have uniform inspections each day (so nothing is hanging out too far) and yes, they have to wear those tan support hose and scrunchie socks. No, there is nothing X-rated here and you’ll see far more jiggling flesh at any local nightclub or public pool. Hooters hired 85 women for the RP store (a number of which go to SSU), but there is currently at least one national calendar girl on the floor. I’d venture to guess that most of them have higher IQ’s than their customers (because a lot of people asked me that) and make more money, too. Yes, they’re flirting with you, because that’s part of the gig, not because you’re so darned irresistible. And yes, they will call a manager on you if you get too fresh, Mr. Grabhands. Want the inside story?

The Food & Drinks
The food isn’t really the main attraction, unless of course it’s the wings. They’re really good, and I have at least one other chef to back me up on that. “Hot” isn’t that hot and fried is the way to go. DO NOT LOOK AT THIS nutritional information. Really. Don’t. The tater tots covered in cheese, sour cream and bacon aren’t bad either if you can stomach eating them while looking at the pert and perfect body of the girl serving them to you. Get a side of  hot sauce to dip ‘em in. Don’t believe it when your Hooters Girl says, “Oh! I eat those ALL the time!” She doesn’t. They also have salads if that’s what you’re into. There are 32 beers on tap and a full cocktail menu with no prices. Flat screen TV’s are strategically located throughout the restaurant and the bar takes up a good one-third of the space. It would be a very lively place to, say, watch a major sporting event coming up.

The Significant Other
Make sure you’ve worked out rules in advance if you’re going in as a couple. Personally, I say visual hall pass. Just don’t come crying to me when you strain your neck, Sir Gawksalot. Just means you can’t see me eating all your tater tots and I have something to make you feel guilty about later. Of course, your tolerance may vary.

The Entertainment
Hula hoops come out from time to time — we hear mostly for birthdays. It’s rumored that part of the hiring process involves being able to pour a beer while hula-hooping. We also hear that the interview process to become a Hooter’s Girl is pretty short. Training takes much longer. Because it takes some finesse to deal with that leering 45-year-old contractor with hot sauce on his face and a beer belly who just pinched your buns.

The Moral Lesson
Families are welcome. The atmosphere is more wholesome than you might imagine and offers many opportunities for teachable moments.

The Bottom Line:  Go or don’t. The scene is somewhere between lowbrow train wreck and titillating entertainment, depending on how often you actually get out. The wings are pretty tasty, the beer cold and the service extremely cordial. Most folks will likely find it a one and done kind of experience, but again, your tolerance may vary.

Hooters, 6099 Redwood Dr., Rohnert Park.

(more photos here)

*Feminist credentials available upon request.

After three decades of serving burgers and fries in Rincon Valley, the grill at Ozzie’s will go cold on Nov. 12. 2011.

Owner Jeff Gonsalves said it’s a devastating blow, but increasing competition from chains like Burger King (which recently opened on Mission Blvd.), Five Guys and In-N-Out along with a down economy have forced him to shut the doors at Ozzie’s Grill (799 Montecito Center, Santa Rosa).

“I’m just a normal guy who has cooked all his life. We aren’t rich and we can’t float this place all winter. I could be $50,000 in debt by February,” said Gonsalves, who purchased the restaurant from the original owners three years ago.

“Cheese, bacon, everything has gone up in price, and people just aren’t eating out,” he said. “We’re paying out more bills than we’re taking in,” he said.

Gonsalves said other local retailers in the Montecito Center Shopping center — like many mom and pop shops throughout Sonoma County — have been slower over the last 15 months and are worried about the long winter ahead. “Maybe the bar is doing better, I don’t know,” he added.

Gonsalves tried to sell the restaurant, but said he hasn’t had any serious offers. “It’s just sad. A few years ago, you’d see 20 trucks out there in the parking lot at 11am. People were coming from Rohnert Park, all over for my burgers. Now, maybe there’s one truck. I’m not rich, you know? We just can’t do it anymore,” said Gonsalves.

The burger voted most likely to look like a Health Code Violation (but isn’t)….The Country Cricket Burger at Brody’s Burgers and Brews.

Not surprisingly, it hasn’t been a huge seller (BiteClub was only the second to ever request it), but packs a surprisingly tasty crunch. Just watch for the wings getting stuck in your teeth.

Pair with a $1 pint of beer to wash down those thoraxes.

Brody’s Burgers and Brews, 3135 Cleveland Avenue
Santa Rosa, CA 95403-2118
(707) 526-4878

UPDATE: Check out this picture of a BiteClubber eating the Cricket Burger! Send me your pics at heather@biteclubeats.com

So, while my wife proscribes many activities on Cleaning Day, she justifiably reserves a special place for Messy Cooking, including, inter alia, anything involving a stand mixer, hand-made pasta, or my penchant for hot cast iron and spattering grease. All of which is for the best, not only because the house returns (if briefly) to a livable state, but because the night preceding  Cleaning Day invariably means willful kitchen destruction, and that, as often as not, means burger night.

I really like burgers – as my kids would say, alottalottalot. I get excited just thinking about biting into a hot, salty exterior crust that gives way to a cooler, crumbly interior, full of beefy flavor; the gently toasted bun that can’t quite keep the juices from oozing down between my fingers; the tang of a ripe tomato, the cool crisp of good lettuce and snappy pickles, the richness of melting cheese and fresh mayonnaise… That whole last-meal thing? One could do worse than the deceptive simplicity of a perfect burger. And while burger perfection in toto is beyond the scope of a single post, I would like to share one little bit of hard-won knowledge, the condiment.

Reasonable people might disagree about the virtues of the frightfully expensive hautes burgers popping up around the County, but I doubt that many would impugn the greasy, evil genius of In-N-Out’s Animal Style offering . That being said, the dirty little secret of getting it on Animal Style is that it’s mainly about the condiments, and if you don’t mind the extra hassle, it’s kinda like nookie, you can do it better at home. And while those quintessentially fondue-like onions may take some time, the famed “spread” is about as easy as it gets.

In-N-Out Animal Spread, SoCo Home Style

In-N-Out “spread” is essentially 1,000-island dressing; the key is to use good pickles, and to get the proportions right. I’ve found that I prefer proportionately less mayo than they use, and that it makes great sense to add lots more pickles to the spread and forgo adding whole slices of pickle entirely (partly because I like my foods relatively high-acid, but mainly because you get the same flavor profile, but with a more even distribution and superior structural integrity – i.e., no “sliding” – when they’re in the sauce). 

Ingredients: Mayo (preferably homemade, but not essentially so), Ketchup (preferably Heinz, organic version is OK), Yellow Mustard (French’s is great, but I used Safeway’s “O” house-brand organic to fine effect), and Pickles (minced, ideally from Alexander Valley Gourmet or similar)

Method: Add 1/4C each of the mayo, ketchup, and minced pickles to a small mixing bowl. Add 1T of the mustard. Mix everything to combine. Adjust to taste – you may wish to add a bit of mayo, and possibly some vinegar and sugar, if you want it to taste more like the In-N-Out version; but otherwise, you’re done.

Jamie (left) and Bubba

It was an even toss whether we were going to brave an entrance into Bubbaque’s in Petaluma. On the plus side were three meat smokers belching away on the front lawn despite the rain. On the minus side it’s located inside a frozen burrito, Skoal and beer mart on the outskirts of Petaluma. And everyone in the parking lot was wearing camo.

This was either going to be the best barbecue ever. Or the worst.

Fortunately for our stomachs, the story has a happy ending. Spanning most of the western wall of the Bodega Avenue Market, Bubbaque cooks up some of the best barbecue in Wine Country. The flurry of barbecue stained napkins, flying forks and pants dotted with greasy fingerprints attest to the critical endorsement of both BiteClub and Miss Mouse.

Using locally-sourced pork, his mama’s recipes and a lifetime of barbecue know-how Bubba (aka Tim Young) opened Bubbaque in September 2010 as a proving ground for his barbecue dreams. Longtime friend Jamie McNutt is Bubba’s cohort, spreading the gospel of Bubbaque to all who seek its truth.

Tim (known as Bubba to friends) is a burly bear of a guy who looks every bit the part, standing behind his smokers or dishing up slabs of ribs. He has no formal culinary training, but brings a passion to the craft that borders on obsession. The former crane operator and t-shirt printer works for weeks or months to get the flavors just right in a single dish. If he’s not happy with it, he won’t serve it.

Bubbaque Burger

On the menu: Tri Tip, roasted whole hog pulled pork, pork short ribs, barbecue chicken, burgers and his mom Linda’s homemade baked beans (sorry mom, but Linda’s are better), potato salad (a kitchen sink affair with a little bit of everything), pasta salad and coleslaw along with handcut, made-to-order fries. Each of the meats gets its own special sauce, but all share a sweet, smoky, molasses quality that’s hard to put down.

Half pound sandwiches range from $6.50 to $7.99, but are more than enough for two, or just about right for the hungry working guys who are Bubba-regulars. Everything’s available by the pound as well. BBQ Chicken special (a drumstick, thigh and two sides is just $5.99).

Are you Bubba Enough? Bubbaque’s got a yet-unnamed behemoth of a challenge that includes two pounds of hamburger, a pound of bacon, 12 slices of cheese, 12 onion rings, his grandma’s secret sauce, barbecue sauce and a pound of fries. Eat it in a an hour and it’s free, plus you get to name it. If not, it’s $26.99 — still not a bad deal. For slightly smaller mega-appetites, the “Quad” is an off-menu sandwich with pork, chicken, tri-tip and hamburger piled high on a French roll. Want to really man up? Bubba also makes a spicy habanero sauce that comes with a stern warning which Miss Mouse did not heed.

Really, everyone was wearing camo.

Like any great barbecue, the lack of ambiance weighs heavily in Bubbaque’s favor. The firewood stacks, sticky tables and country fried charm also help keep things, well, real. After all, good barbecue ain’t about fancy tablecloths and shiny silverware.

“We’re just good old boys doing backyard cooking,” says Mcnutt. And a hearty yee-haw to that.

Bubbaque’s, 1105 Bodega Ave, Petaluma, (707) 763-4401

BiteClub winners chow at Five Guys | Crista Jeremiason, PD

Though the night was rainy and cold, five BiteClubbers braved the elements, the hoards and threats of impending indigestion to get the skinny on Five Guys Burgers and Fries, Santa Rosa’s first outpost of this east coast, Obama-favorite.

What we do, we do for you.

At the Five Guys table, a very pregnant Jennifer (to gauge the restaurant’s crave-worthiness); Chef Evan for the culinary worthiness; burger aficionado (and former Fair Food Scrambler) Jason; and Alissa, a woman who once ate burgers for 16 days in a row. Plus BiteClub and BiteClub Jr.

It takes a village to judge a burger, so we put our heads together to come up with a handy guide for all you Five Guys newbies (and oldies)…

What’s the Deal with this Place?
The first of a possible five new Five Guys restaurants in Sonoma County, the chain is spreading like wildfire across the nation (200 are slated to open in 2011). Local owner and Ohio native Craig Gallagher and four other investors leapt at the chance to snap up Sonoma County, one of the last counties in America to have franchises available. Petaluma may have the next opening, along with plans for at least one other Santa Rosa location.

Making your burger | Crista Jeremiason, PD

What To Order
The DC-based company prides itself on its fresh-baked buns, single-sourced fries (you can see the farm they came from on the board) made fresh and personalized burgers, offering up 15 different toppings ranging from mayo and lettuce to jalapenos and grilled mushrooms. Burgers aren’t started until you order, and wait time is typically about 7-8 minutes — hence the peanuts to tide you over. Burgers run a$4.99 for a double and $3.69 for a single. Unlike In N Out, Five Guys offers up split, griddle cooked hot dogs starting at $3.59. Fries are thickly cut and generously served, skin-on ($2.59 small, $4.69 large). Cajun-spiced fries are a best bet and pickles absolutely make the burger.

So, are the burgers as great as fans claim them to be?
Big, messy and squishy describe these burgers. The homemade buns are Wonder bread soft but are prone to disintegration. Things get pretty messy the more toppings you add. Go “All the Way” (an order for all the toppings) and you’ll end up with most of it on your lap, napkins and the foil paper wrapper — though you can sop it up with the fries, like we did. Said Jason, “This is definitely a multiple napkin experience!” Overall, the group was thumbs up on the whole Five Guys vibe, loved  the ability to personalize the burgers and proclaimed the fries much better than In-N-Out.

Which speaks to the inevitable comparisons to our favorite Left Coast burger chain.

The Inevitable Comparison
1. No, there’s no secret menu or special sauce
2. Yes, the fries are way better
3. Yes, they have free peanuts and you can throw the shells on the ground
4. Nope, they don’t have milkshakes
5. Yes, their hot dogs totally rock
6. Yes, prices are a bit higher than In N Out. You’ll spend about $10 for a meal here.
7. No, there’s no drive through.
8. Yes, the staff is just as clean-cut and friendly.

The Feast!

BiteClubbers Final Say
Jennifer: “The smell really drew me in.” Her plusses: The grilled, split hot dog with cheese. The minus: “The sauce at In & Out is better.”  Crave worthiness: Moderate. Would she come back? “Yes.”

Evan: “The fries have sort of a cottage fry quality. They’re definitely bigger and better than In N Out’s soggy shoestrings.”  The group unanimously decided, however, to order the fries extra crispy next time. The plusses: The range of condiments is great and I like the ballpark style hot dogs. Culinary worthiness: “I like it, but I’m a soggy burger kind of guy.” Come back? Yes.

Jason: “The buns are just great.” The plusses: Love the fresh jalapenos and pickles. The minus: I like my onions sliced. Burger Brilliance: “The patties don’t have much seasoning. They’re really fresh, but just not seasoned enough.” Come back? Yes.

Alissa: “I would definitely come back for the dog,” which she ordered with cheese, ketchup, mustard, hot sauce and pickles. Return? Yes. Sixteen times? Possible.

Heather: I loved the “All the Way” cheeseburger with crisp bacon and lettuce, grilled onions, mushrooms and chilled mayo and pickles. The burger itself was, frankly, unremarkable, but the soft bun and top-notch toppers (especially the pickle!) made for a memorable eating experience. Minus: I hate well-done burgers, and all their burgers are cooked well-done. Return: BiteClub Jr. insists.

Five Guys Burgers and Fries: 2280 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa, Open daily at 11am.

Thanks to all my BiteClub eaters, everyone who entered, PD Photog Crista Jeremiason for the amazing pictures (though I will note that the cool fish eye lens seems to have added a hump back to me…haha) and Five Guys Burgers and Fries!

It’s a two-step process…you vote for your favorites. Then I weigh in with my votes for the final showdown.

SO here’s step one: Your votes. I’ve listed some of my top picks for Burgers, but I’m sure I’ve missed a few. Vote for as many as you want…and add any that you’re a fan of…

UPDATED: Added 15 new contenders… 2:44pm
Stay tuned for the winners…

Fremont Diner Sonoma

The Fremont Diner, hidden away among Sonoma’s vineyards and pastures, is the sort of place every traveler dreams about stumbling into, but rarely ever does.

Oozing nouveau decrepitude, a heavy dose of John Deere chic and the irresistible lure of a butter and pork-soaked menu that would bring a tear of recognition to grandpappy’s eyes, the diner is everything good about, well, roadside diners. Here, “Praise the Lard”, isn’t just a quirky tag line, but a mission from 7am to 4pm daily.

The former burger stand, which stood empty for more than a year, had long been a serviceable plastic basket eatery called Babe’s Burgers and Franks. It’s most redeeming quality the 70′s-era Pepsi sign out front and the fact that it stood at the halfway point between the Sonoma and Napa Valleys.

After some jittery opening months, the diner has gelled into sweet Southern Sunday morning perfection with breakfasty-brunchy dishes like the Almost Famous Biscuits & Gravy (sweet cream biscuits with lush sausage gravy, $7.25), Black Pepper Brisket Hash (oak smoked brisket with caramelized onions, potatoes and a fried egg, $9.25), Buttermilk Waffles ($6.75), Cheesy House Ground Grits ($4.25) and Braeburn Apple Donuts ($5).

Walk-up and order, grab a mug of Taylor Maid coffee and one of the Mr. Potato Heads scattered around, and stake your claim at one of the reclaimed wood tables inside (in warmer months, there are outdoor picnic tables) or the kitchen bar (for ringside seats).

Reinforcing my long-held notion that caterers truly make some of the best chefs (at least when it comes to comfort food), St. Helena’s Chad Harris (of Caridwyn & Sons, formerly Rising Sun Catering) is the chief spatula behind the diner. Along with the diner grub, Harris also sells homey jams, jellies and sauces,  coveted Rancho Gordo Beans, “throwback” sodas and other regional goodies.

It’s worth a return trip for lunch, when the Fremont Diner stokes up the grills again with The Fremont Burger (a Marin Sun grass fed burger with all the fixins, $9.50); Whole Hog Sandwich (oak-smoked pork with coleslaw & pickles on an egg bun, $8.99), Nashville fried chicken with macaroni ($10.25) and a Wild Shrimp Po’Boy ($11.50). Sides include fries, collard greens, Rancho Gordo beansand milkshakes. For dessert: Fried pies (natch), giant cookies and sweet milk chicory coffee.

But get there fast. Locals and savvy San Franciscans have already found this hidden gem, and it won’t stay a secret long.

Fremont Diner, 2660 Fremont Dr., Sonoma, (707) 938-7370. Open daily 7(ish)am to 4pm.

UPDATE: A year after opening, Jackson’s remains the soul of the square, always -crowded and always-solid. I rarely return to a restaurant twice (there are just too many I haven’t tried), but this is a spot I take friends and family frequently when I’m “off duty” and want a great meal at a reasonable price.

+++
Occupying the critical hub spot at Fourth and Davis (left so long empty after the departure of Mixx), Jackson’s Bar and Oven flickered to life in 2009, casting its warm glow throughout the neighborhood like an Edward Hopper painting.

And with it, the soul of Railroad Square was renewed.

Jackson’s Bar & Oven is the second eatery for Chef Josh Silvers, who heads the 10-year-old Syrah Bistro just a block away.  Personality-wise, the restaurants share Josh’s sense of playfulness and unpretentious way with food.

But while Syrah will remain Silvers’ higher-end showcase for Wine Country cuisine, Jackson’s is a more casual, family-friendly spot focused on dishes from the kitchen’s wood-fired oven.

In other words, everyday food like chili, hot wings, pizza and hot dogs — but with a chef’s touch.

Get a ring-side seat to the action at the back pizza bar, where things stay plenty warm when you’re within arm’s reach of the 600-plus degree oven.

Top bites: Start with house-made focaccia with green olive tapenade ($3.50) and Josh’s hot oysters with hazelnut butter ($3 each).  A fry-fanatic, Josh’s fresh fried potatoes (chili, garlic or paprika) require liberal dipping in cilantro, lemon/thyme or sherry-cayenne aoili ($6).

Roasted mussels with fennel, garlic, onion and beer come piled high and steaming from the oven with a luxuriously briny liquor that bring a tear to the eye and are well-priced at $11.

Cool off with a specialty cocktail from the bar (where you can also grab a bite), including the Ginger Not Mary Ann ($9) made with Charbay Meyer Lemon, galangal, lemon grass syrup, fresh lemon and soda. The menu also includes plenty of artisan beers, wines by the glass and lots of local Sonoma wines by the bottle.

Pizzas range from simple margherita ($14) to proscuitto with mascarpone, pear and arugula ($15), mixed mushroom with truffle oil, daily specials and even a gluten-free version.  And while impressive, they’ll need a little more time to nail the cracker-crisp crust I’m so fond of at Rosso and PizzaVino707. Which in my mind just means I’ll have to keep testing them…frequently.

For bigger appetites, there are entrees like grilled hanger steak ($19), roasted chicken, pork chops with grits and pan-seared sea bass. Since the restaurant will be open daily for lunch and dinner, Josh also has a selection of sandwiches (Rueben, burgers, hot dog with house-made chips), salads and soups.

Desserts rotate frequently, but the menu-winner are seasonal beignets — crispy fritters of dough with dunking sauces of caramel, chocolate, pumpkin, raspberry or whatever’s of the moment.

Silvers plans to keep the restaurant open from 11am to 10pm daily, with a special late-night menu at the bar and brunch on the weekends.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Jackson’s Bar & Oven, 135 Fourth Street, Santa Rosa, 707-545-6900.