Win Bourdain Tix

Who wouldn't love this guy?

CONGRATS BILL C and CHRIS J
There were SOOO many amazing posts, and frankly, the final itinerary I’d suggest would include a little of nearly all of them. I’ve made a spreadsheet with my favorite suggestions (by town) and plan to hit every single on in the coming months. What it ultimately came down to for me were sort of oddball, local spots that had some grit and wacky to them. Not the “beautiful” spots of Sonoma County. The stuff that would make good TV. Stay tuned for my “Best of” based on your votes.

I just can’t quit Anthony Bourdain. He’s a smug, foul-mouthed, boozy nihilist. He’s a poster boy for the schticky celebrity chefs he routinely skewers. His kitchen-cred is admittedly questionable, he’s not shy about where women belong, and the whole Quentin Tarantino channeling Hunter S. Thompson gets a little grating after 40 episodes or so.

Yet we, his brooding followers, can never get enough of King Tony’s bad boy antics and alcohol-fueled adventures. As the Patron Saint of Egoist Chefs, Dean of Maliciously Delicious Tweets and Railer Against Food D-Baggery, we eagerly dissect every episode of No Reservations and now, The Layover. We cheer as countless Kitchen Dimwits, Culinary Poseurs, food writers, and, well, most of the Food Network fall upon his sword. Huzzah!

So it’s with girlish glee we welcome Tony’s return Feb. 10, 2012 with the Chef Eric Ripert (“Good”) in the continuation of their show, “Good vs. Evil” at the Wells Fargo Center for the Arts. You will be there, of course, eating up every word as he skewers Guy, Rachel, Paula (Oh, Paula)  and an ever-broadening list of celebrity targets. We will even come back for more as he dismisses Wine Country while blathering on and on and on about how great San Francisco is. He doesn’t mean it. Really, he doesn’t.

Need a ticket, you say?

Here’s the deal: Outline a script for a Layover in Sonoma County. Trot out the really weird, funky stuff he’d see here. Suggest a dive bar spot for playing quarters with Doug Keane and Doug Richey (right?) while discussing the finer points of the foie gras ban. Where to get his hands dirty (I’m thinking Lou Preston would school him good). What other local food characters and shenanigans shall we put on display? Methinks a trip to Mark Maliki’s Casino might be in order? A little of Mateo’s hot sauce? A dive into the Hello Cello Limoncello vats? A trip to all of Guy’s favorite local DDD spots?

We’re rife with possibilities.

I’ll judge the two best comments and award you each TWO TICKETS for the show. (Wanna buy ‘em? They’re almost sold out, but here you go). I’ll announce the winner on Feb. 8.

Will Bourdain ever see ‘em? Come on. This guy is has insulators for his insulators. Not bloody likely. But we can live in the satisfaction that we’re good enough. We’re worthy enough. And at least Guy likes us.

Author: biteclub

Food Dining and Restaurants in Sonoma County and beyond, BiteClubEats.com is Wine Country dining with Drive-Thru Sensibility.

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103 Comments

  1. I purchased the building that John and Zeke’s resides. I have owned a home in Healdsburg for over 20 years. The space will continue to be a bar, just like it is now. I also want to clear up a few items.

    The current owner turned down a 10 year lease extension. He also had a chance to purchase the building and he turned that down as well. He offered the bar to me for a ridiculous amount of money (almost as much as the building cost) after he turned down the lease and purchase of the building.

    I planned on and want to continue the John and Zeke’s tradition. It’s the current owner who has decided to try to move it.

    If he wanted to stay in the location he could have signed a 10 year lease or bought the building.

    Rest assured, it will continue as the same type of bar it is now….

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  2. I couldn’t agree with Anthony Bourdain at the 440 Club more. Props to the winners. If I wasn’t so lazy, I was going to suggest the Wagon Wheel!

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    • Ahhhh yes…the Wagon Wheel…yet another suggestion to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt to Anthony Bourdain that this area is inhabited solely by white trash.

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  3. Maybe I’m just confused but I didn’t see who actually was chosen as the winners?

    And…it sounds like someone’s script you liked was one you criticized for not knowing he quit smoking? Which isn’t accurate either, Bite Club. He quit for a period of time but is back at it.

    I say BOOOO to this contest. Some people actually did read the directions and came up with some good suggestions that showcased Sonoma County as a whole, not just the North, South or Central pieces of it. Next time let your readers pick the winners from a short list or something. Sheesh….

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    • Here’s the deal: Freaking buy some tickets if you want to go so bad. That’s what I did.
      I have actual work to do, now.

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  4. Wow those “winners” were pretty hanus, I don’t think that the 440 club, the flamingo hotel, Coppola, or an of Guys joints could be considered the best of Sonoma county. You might as well be visiting Bakersfield with those suggestions.

    For shame!

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    • Here’s the thing….we had a lot of spots recommended that were great places to visit, but have very little to do with what Bourdain would want to see. VERY little.

      440 was the Dive bar he always seems to hit. Flamingo has the cheesy local nostalgia he loves. Coppola has both cred and wacky. Have you actually gone there? And Guy’s stuff is about the humor of making him go to a restaurant of a man he routinely lambasts.

      If you read the directions, it was the weird and wacky…not the “most beautiful” places in Sonoma County. You have to have actually watched the shows to get the idea.

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      • And you would have to watch his show to know he would find no “humor” in being taken to the establishment of a man he routinely lambasts. Good thing you’re not a part of the decision making team on his show…you’d probably be fired within the first half hour.

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        • And that is why I’m so glad I didn’t pick a bitter betty like you.

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          • Yeah, I have to apologize…idiocy brings out the bitterness in me.

  5. The layovers you chose really make me question your “abilities” as a “food critic” – The Flamingo? Over Rustic? The 440 Club over Lagunitas or Portofinio’s? Texwasabi over Hana?!?! I don’t know man…I wouldn’t want world renound traveler and foodie mogul Anthony Bourdain to leave Sonoma County with the impression that we are a bunch of classless tacky hicks. It’s not funny, it’s sad. Sonoma County is better than that. Way better.

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    • Sadly, that post was a huge contender. The portofino’s thing kind of lost me. It was the only reason it lost.

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      • Darn. It was worth a shot. I guess my goal was to highlight some of the places that are underrated and that would benefit from the highlight on the show. Ports has a great bar and have bartenders that really know how to make a good drink. True, the 440 club might be “good tv” with all the funny characters that would be there, however, it’s not really a place that I would suggest to people visiting Sonoma County. Which, is ultimately, what the Layover show is about. It’s a highlight of the off the beaten path places in a well know city/town. I would think that Tony would want to be taken to places that are still GOOD. I wouldn’t take him to a dive, just for the sake of showing him a dive. There has to be something worth taking him there for. Anyways…I guess we all have our own opinions.

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        • As i mentioned above, there were SOOOO many great ideas. I could only give away four tickets. I promise to try to give away more stuff soon. ;)

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      • What’s even more sad is that you weren’t lost when people suggested a complete sh*t hole like 440.

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        • Keep shaking those little angry fists. It’s really working.

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          • That’s the way to “bite” em!

  6. Are you SERIOUS?! The 440 Club?!? Tex Wasabi?!?! Have you ever watched Bourdain’s show and have ANY clue about what he likes?!?! I’m sure Anthony will really enjoy the AIDS he contracts from the 440 Club, or the gunshot wound he is likely to get. And do you think he will really find going to a dbag’s restaruant funny and ironic?? No, he will more than likely throw a drink in your face, swear and storm off. Unbelievably terrible choices…but what else is there to expect from the moderator of this forum. Obvious, boring, uninmaginative and pretentious choices.

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          • You’re commenting back, so what work are you doing?

    • OK Mike, whoever you are. F@$K OFF with that HIV/AIDS comment.

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      • Oh quit crying and go play in traffic.

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  7. Worst…decisions…ever.

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  8. Sooo…were you going to wait until 11:59pm to announce the winner or what?!

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  9. Did my post go through? Was I not supposed to say bullsh*t?

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    • What is Anthony Bourdain’s mantra? No bullsh*t!!

      And, we all know that layovers are just that. Who wants to waste time waiting, when you can fly direct? That’s why, this layover is all about cutting through the bullsh*t.

      First off, Caesars at the Schultz airport bar. They pack a good punch, with a crisp, cool olive. The hard stuff, no wine here, to dull the pain.

      Buzz tied on, next up is La Fondita taco truck across from the Dollar Tree on Sebastopol Road in Santa Rosa. Eating delicious tacos standing up is the perfect remedy for Tony having to stuff his 6-foot-5 frame into those tiny airplane seats. More beers, definitely. Tecate perhaps?

      The trip ends off at Willie Bird’s restaurant (because, really, how long is this layover, anyways?). Yellow-tinted light comes through the stained glass windows, playing off the artwork, a collection of no-apologies kitsch. An impressive collection of beer steins accompanies good, down-home food on diner plates. Just order the shrimp too, ok? It’s surprisingly delicious.

      We gaze, satiated and tipsy, at the impressive obelisk made of bike parts across the street while Tony, in his infamous voiceover, waxes poetically about a no bullsh*t break from the trials of airline travel with a Canadian-import student couple who eats good on the cheap and is too poor to afford the $150 to go see his show…. do you know how many tacos that is?!

      Tony, if you read this, could we ply our way in the back door with tacos? We’ll be there at 6.

      (But truthfully, we all know, that if he really did have a layover, he’d go over to The French Laundry in Napa. It’s one of his favorite restaurants of all time. Look it up.)

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    • I would start with taking Anthony to the coast for some early morning oysters at The Casino Bar & Grill in Bodega , then back to Santa Rosa to visit at Lola’s Market on Dutton on the way home to check out the carnitas and veggies. A visit to the Worth Our Weight (WOW) to show him how local teens can actually cook.. In the afternoon. he would enjoy some wine tasting at some of the county’s premium vineyards. Maybe Bella Vineyards and Wine Caves in Healdsburg, or de Lorimier in Geyserville. For dinner, I would take him to El Coqui for some excellent Puerto Rican cuisine on Mendo and Fifth. We’d finish with a drink at the Toad in the Hole Pub on Fifth Street after a long day.

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  10. I would start the day at the Santa Rosa Farmers Market where we would have breakfast with all the local farmers and buy produce for later. Then I would head out on Hwy 12 to Willie Bird turkey and pick up some homemade turkey sausage. You can’t go through Sebastopol without stopping at Screaming Mimi’s for ice cream! Yum! Then on to the bar in Bodega to hang with the locals and tour the town while discussing the movie “The Birds”. Now on to the marina in Bodega Bay to talk to the local fisherman and purchase the catch of the day. Lunch would be clam chowder at Lucas Wharf’s deli, and then on to the the Cheese Factory in Petaluma to sit by the lake and eat cheese, bread from Village Bakery, and either a local fruity Sauvignon Blanc, a oaky, buttery Chardonnay or a local beer, or all three! hahah. On the way back we would definetly have to stop at the Washoe House for drinks. Dinner, well that would be back in Santa Rosa at my house were we would fix a delicious dinner from all of the bounty that Sonoma County has to offer.

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  11. Breakfast at Singletree in Healdsburg. Lunch at that place of Guy’s in Santa Rosa, just because it would be a great photo op and well, just because. Dinner at either Catelli’s in Geyserville or El Farolito in Healdsburg. Then on to Cloverdale for cocktails at The Dante. Dream day!

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  12. A way to go; John Ashe, La Gare, Mac’s Deli, El Coqi, Omelet Express, Cattlemans, Fresh, and Mayacama Clubhouse for a burger and beer. So many layover tasty places around Santa Rosa, we could hold Tony,s taste buds here for “Pliney Younger ” IPA, as well as, grapa and wines. Come fly with us Mr. Anthony B.

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  13. breakfast: Bovolo or Zazu, Bacon and Spuds o’ Rama, Bacon Glazed Donuts, Pork Cheek Sammy
    Mid Morning: Della Fattoria, Home-Made preserves and Bread
    Pre Lunch: Hogg Island: The View, Oysters and Champagne
    Lunch: Lee’s Noodle House: Bahn Mi and Tendon Pho
    Drinks: Russian River, Pliny the elder
    Pre-Dinner: Toad in the hole: A pint, Fish and Chips
    Dinner : Hana Sushi
    Dessert/Nightcap: Petite Syrah, Foie and glass of Royal Tokaji

    No need for what to talk about. All the owners and food at these stops could roll enough
    tape for 10 episodes.

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  14. My bedroom, he can eat all the dessert he can handle!

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  15. If I took Tony around..it would be crabbing for Dungenous crab, hanging out with real fisherman…drinking, talking, eating what they eat, drinking what they drink…than off to the vineyards to work with the hispanics in the field, enjoying the comaraderie and eating from hibachis in the fields where the food is authentic and cheap and tastes great, and than to one of the sheep farms to talk to the ranchers and have a b-que out in the hills of Sonoma County….Tony likes real people, and real food….not uppity “wine country” overpriced food….

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  16. Anthony has an early morning check-in at the beautiful FarmHouse Inn, in Forestville. Besides being luxurious, they have an impressive wine list and Master Sommelier.
    He’ll start with breakfast in Santa Rosa at Jeffrey’s Hillside Café. Order their champagne hollandaise Eggs Benedict and sip on a cup of hot coffee from local Taylor Maid Coffee, to help cut the fatty palate. He can head out to the Marin French Cheese Factory in Petaluma. Enjoy the outdoors by feeding the annoying geese and gazing out towards the pond past the poop stained grass, all while nibbling on creamy and wonderfully stinky cheeses.
    Heading back north on the coastal route towards Forestville, he’ll stop for lunch at La Rosa’s Market. Order their wet Chili Rellano super burrito with house-made sweet and spicy salsa and salty chips. There is just something so wrong, but so right about having lunch in a convenience store. Their batter and melt in your mouth green chili make it the BEST rellano in the county.
    Perhaps receive some acupuncture or herbal remedy advice across the street?
    If we must, he can stop off at the many wineries along the way to Guerneville for tastings, but WHY when there is a Master Sommelier at his fingertips back at the Inn?
    After a saunter thru the flea market in downtown Guerneville, head southwest to the quaint town of Freestone for a detox at Osmosis in their soothingly yeasty baked bread-smelling, steamy enzyme baths. There’s time to add a specialty massage in the outdoor pagoda or Anthony may even get to catch a quick snooze in the soothing, cocoon blanket wrap experience.
    Relaxed and re-energized, he’ll be in the mood for a beer at Russian River Brewery in Santa Rosa for a flight of tastings, a Pliny or another one of their many other creative beers on tap.
    Then a short walk several doors down to Rendevous for freshly shucked Tomales Bay Oysters impressively served on an ice bed for only a buck an oyster.
    For dinner, he’ll appreciate authentic Peruvian food at Sazon on Sebastopol Road. Order a couple of their spicy, lime spiked ceviches and experience the creamy aji-amarillo pulled chicken stew. It’s indescribably mellow, sweet and flavorful.
    Dessert is at Sam’s for Play on Cleveland Avenue for a slice of house-made chocolate cream pie with real whip.
    Then a cruise back to the Inn to peruse the wine list, chat with the Sommelier and slowly sip some rich port. Anthony can then tinker off to his fireplace warmed room for some sleep, dreaming about waking up the next day to a farm to table breakfast at the Inn. Yeah, that would be the best layover ever.

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  17. Narsi’s new place when it opens…

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  18. There are those that touch down on these Sonoma soils with the large, innocent eyes of a new-born calf- ready to jump on the Segway tours, helmet ready, fanny-pack stuffed with tasting room coupons.
    “All of these Zin’s are dark? You don’t have any white ones?”
    “What’s ‘Gra-notch-aye’?”
    “I can just find these wines in stores? Right?”

    Others step down on the tarmac, wipe the frothy, in-flight beer from their grizzled chins, and jump in their friend Shane’s beat-up jeep.
    Who knows if Mr. Bourdain is feeling breakfast in the early am after a boozy flight? Assuming he is, he can hit Downtown Bakery in Healdsburg and indulge in Joe’s Breakfast Pizza as a buffer to the day ahead.
    The REAL Sonoma- the anti-Napa- the type of winery that makes you feel part of the vines and down to the earth- Porter Creek Vineyards. Pinot, Zin, Syrah, Carignane and a Viognier that will make any red-only-drinker repent. Alex Davis, winemaker, could humble and awe Tony in a way that would corral his appreciation of wine to the level of a high school freshman’s first time holding his crush at homecoming.

    Not tipsy or dirty enough, Tony? Go to Quivira Vineyards and Winery in Dry Creek. Drink up on a Dry Creek GSM, a Zin/Viognier blend and eat up on fresh seasonal produce growing in the garden that would make any lunch delightful, but that’s not dirty enough. No, I hear they have a couple of Jersey cows that aren’t quite “bearing for the next generation”. You’d be a plastic bag, and an armful away from a proper Sonoma County romance!

    You might still be hungry- down the road is the Dry Creek General store. The juicy, the luscious, fajita melt is behind a creaky screen door and over a dusty wood floor. That time, between lunch and dinner- ought to be spent around back in the bar. These locals and regulars never heard of you. They drink there every day, and Dry Creek is their promised land. Liars dice is over the counter. They’ll play you, and they’ll take your money faster than you can say ‘Gallo’.

    We’re not out of Healdsburg yet. There’s a lot of chefs in Sonoma county. Many of them have personalities, but there ain’t no one in Sonoma county that you’ll be shooting the banter with like Rudy Mihal over at Spoonbar. You might need to pregame with an “ex girlfriend”. No, Scott Beatey didn’t come up with this spicy gin based cocktail- one of his bartenders challenged Tony (who used to bartend at Jackson Oven in Santa Rosa) to a bartender-off. Tony won with his ‘Ex Girlfriend” The terms? Serve it upon request at the losers bar.
    Get going with food, order the Ras el hanout spiced rack of lamb with lemon yogurt dipping sauce and bravas-style potatoes, and down the street the peanut butter chocolate bar at Dry Creek kitchen. Catch the live jazz in the hotel lobby bar at Healdsburg Hotel, Crash out there or at the H2 Hotel, and congratulations, you’ve just experienced 1/1000th of Sonoma county in one day.

    Pat yourself on the back Tony, we wouldn’t want you experiencing everything this great county has to offer in one sitting. We’ve lived here most of our lives and WE can’t even boast having picked this county all the way through!

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    • This is one of my faves. Unfortunately, Rudy’s gone. So that kind of leaves a hole.

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      • I heard the news yesterday. Bum-mer.

        If Scopa would hurry up and reopen Ari Rosen ain’t a bad guy to chat with. Well traveled too.

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      • Really? This is your favorite? This is awfull wine-douche if you ask me.

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        • Hey- a wine-douche has feelings too you know.

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      • No, I’m sold on Tony and Rudy crossing knives in the kitchen. There are plenty of wineries in Sonoma county with kitchens large enough for both of their personalities AND the beer necessary to fuel their antics. Rudy is a resourceful guy, he’d find a spot to host at the drop of a dime. Even if it meant hijacking a taco truck.

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  19. You took my favorites Heather! I always bring guests to Preston and my new favorite that I couldn’t wait to bring my brother to when he came to visit was Mateo’s Cocina Latina!

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  20. Oh, and since I have been to two of Tony’s fave restaurants, El Bulli and St John’s, I’d break out the photos on my cell and make him show me his pics and clips that didn’t make the show!
    He would never be bored w me or Sonoma County’s rad food places.

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  21. I would start breakfast out early at the Inn at the Tides watching the seals having fun and have an Iron Horse Mimosa with Carlo, then stop at Aioli’s Delicatessen for some killer crabcakes served w a side ofChef Autumn Barber’s sassiness and her chili garlic green broccollini. on the way to santa Rosa pop into Graton Ridge Cellars for a glass of their Chronicle Gold Zin and throw some Bocce Balls w Sue Bonzell. Kidnap Sue and go see Fred at Mombo’s Pizza for a killer Pesto Slice and celery dressing salad. That should be around 4:00 so just enough time to run to Lagunitas Brewery and the Tap Room at 4:20 for a Ham & Gruyere panini w a sampler of Ales, run upstairs to the party room for a Censored Ale and show him the Leg Lamp they snagged from Christmas Story. Since we are in Petaluma I think we should have a sardine snacky at Central Market and see what Tony has for Dessert. Then over to the back room at Volpi’s back room bar to listen to the accordion player and have a night cap Grappa. Then maybe I’ll take up smoking w him and take a walk over the bridge in Petaluma… if he weren’t married, the night cap would be at my house iin front of my fireplace lol

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  22. Breakfast @ Parkside.

    Lunch @ the new SRJC Burdo Culinary Center.

    Midday @ Preston’s (You beat me to it Heather, but It’s a great idea).

    Dinner (and a few, nay, many) beers @ Bear Republic

    Stumble up the street to WIlli’s to have great martinis with the local food blogger. I think her name is Heather.

    Tony’s already said talking about wine is boring (his last visit), so show him that there’s more to us than wine.

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  23. The Triple Crown of Sonoma County:
    Healdsburg’s Thumbprint Cellars plush tasting lounge to relax and enjoy their tantalizing food pairing menus and terrific wine blends. Then the can’t be missed Costeaux ‘s french onion soup and bread with a beer pairing.
    Sebastopol’s Hopmonk Tavern for as much beer as Tony can put back before meandering through the streets and sights of the town.
    Santa Rosa’s Rosso’s Pizzeria & Bar to devour a Gumba pizza and a martini. But, hey the night isn’t over yet and needs to be rounded out with a visit to the Wagon Wheel Saloon before heading back to the stable.

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  24. Since Tony is a proponent of “Haute Stoner Food’ I think he would first need to sample some of our best Sonoma homegrown. After that tour, the real dives will taste better…La Texanita with the authographed Guy Photo on the wall, BBQ on Santa Rosa Ave, Sazon for ceviche, Pop-up sushi at Fresh, dim sum at Hang Ah, drinking at the Wagon Wheel then at John and Jeke’s, and Sift Cupcakes sitting in the parking lot across the street. You don’t think Tony is always just smoking cigarettes do you?

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  25. Is it weird that I had a dream last night that Tony and I were hanging out? I dreamed about these posts and that we were discussing where to go. But the whole time I’m like….damn, I’m talking to Anthony Bourdain.

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  26. I know he loves pork, so let’s make him work for it. Private ranch hunting for wild hogs west of Lake Sonoma, where hiking up and down 1000 foot tall steep ridges will test his wheezy little lungs. Field dress the hog (hopefully) then run it over to Buds Meats for processing and a walk through a real old-school butcher shop. BBQ hog and cervesas in the parking lot.

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    • Oh, that’s kind of sexy. Field dressing a wild hog.

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    • Now THAT is what I’m talking about! Lol. nothing says Sonoma County like killing dinner. No really

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    • Now we’re talking! Dress him in a ghillie suit, and arm him with a compound bow- I hope he’s a good shot- if he missed and picked off a hiker we’d be watching a new reality show called “Jail Eats”.

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  27. A Petaluma layover: Breakfast at The Tea Room. Stupidly good scones, coffee cake and bowls of coffee. Lunch at Della Fattoria, you won’t find better Panzanella. Afternoon libations at Lagunitas Brewing Company. Dinner at Cucina Paradiso for fantastic Italian . Walk outside, close your eyes and point to pick your poison. So many great local bars within a few block radius, your liver with thank you; Volpi’s, Andresen’s, Gale’s, Traxx, Mario and John’s, Brixx, The Buckhorn, Larray’s, McNear’s list goes on and on…we love our bars in Petaluma. But make sure to find Rasta Man, the best cab driver in Petaluma. He would love to drive you around.

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  28. Butter/cheese/dairy cow adventure (or do the ranch CSA thing at Stemple Creek in Tomales) in the wee hours of the morning….followed by the Kitchen Sink at Three Cooks in Petaluma. Apple picking/pruning in Sebastopol with lunch at Negri’s in Occidental or River’s End in Jenner. On to wine making – Preston would be a good choice for West Sonoma County, but I’d go for something on the Sonoma side. Maybe Kaz? We are looking for comical TV here. Dinner at either La Salette or Harvest Moon on the Square in Sonoma, finishing with drinks at Steiner’s.

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  29. Hog Island Oyster and Bodega’s Terrapin Creek Cafe!

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  30. Lunch—Della Fattoria in Petaluma California or set up a dinner at the Ranch with music or dinner every Friday night.

    Why? Quintessential non chic chic “real” Sonoma County.

    Multigenerational family: self taught cooks—no fancy chef school here.
    Backgrounds: 60’s rock and roll band, Petaluma egg farm, former cancer care worker who sought her dream
    Living and embodying the food life: produce from their farm (Weber Family Ranch) and other local sources; staffed by whole family and bread from their own wood fired ovens* on the ranch
    Unparalled quality: simple sounding menu but the flavors are superior; high quality and fresh ingredients; and have provided bread to the French Laundry and other local restaurants
    Customers: cross-section of Sonoma County and San Francisco “refugees” to some of Kathy’s “regulars” off the street.

    I am constantly amazed by what comes out of their kitchen. The soups, sandwiches, and salads are the tastiest I have had. And the bread pudding…(unbelievable bread pudding and I have sought out this dish from New Orleans to Hawaii).

    BTW I really like foie gras so he has to visit our local Artisan Sonoma Foie Gras to support it. (which has nothing to do with Della Fattoria—never even asked Kathy about it)

    Just good people and wonderful food.

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  31. Delicias Elenitas taco truck on Sebastopol Rd is the first thing that came to mind. So good.

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  32. Start off with a delicious brunch by chef Alex at Doce Lunas in Kenwood, then a tour and tasting at St Francis follow by their pairings with tastings. Stop by the rist Mill in Glen Ellen for a snack on sweet potatoe fries and a flight of whiskey. On to dinner at the Girl and the Fig in Sonoma but saving room for dessert. A walk around the historic plaza and a stop at LoKal Sonoma for a sweet dessert and cup of coffee before calling it a night . A lovely day in Sonoma County. We are blessed to live in a place people travel from all over the world to visit!

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  33. Little Switzerland, Russian River Brewing, Stumptown Brewing (since the Pink Elephant is closed), Cazanoma Lodge and River’s End. Walk around square in Sonoma, downtown Santa Rosa, Main Street in Guerneville, and Goat Rock beach at sunset.

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    • I thought LS was closed?

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  34. Tony Bourdain’s Sonoma County sort of ‘Layover’ or ‘No Reservations’ adventure—He will start his day in Railroad Square and have the best omelette at Omelette Express. He will enjoy the ambiance and have a picture taken with the Woodstock character —possibly drop by Schultz Museum and say hi to a Peanuts characters or try skating at the ice arena–haha! Then enjoy fresh roasted coffee at Aroma Roaster’s. Then he will head west to try Tomales Bay oysters and other seafood entrees at Rocker Oysterfeller’s. Go to Bodega Head and enjoy the Bodega Bay scenery and see “The Birds” movie location, and invite him to come to the Sat., Feb 11th for the 9th annual chowder contest from 10 am to 3 pm. Then drive back to Glen Ellen Inn and check out the Martini bar (and stay there for a night if he orders each drink from the long martini list w funny names) and have something from the bar menu – kobe burger or mussels, he’ll enjoy that.

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  35. For lodging, Tony will stay at Hillside Inn in SR so that he can have an awesome breakfast brunch at Jeffrey’s Hillside Cafe. He will be seated at the bar stool where he can read the wall decor that says, “Enter as strangers leave as friends” and see the kitchen action. He’ll like that. He will have the delicious chicken fried steak with Taylor Maid Farms local organic coffee or the yummy cappuccino (he enjoyed this on his Rome episode- drinking with spoon) OR the sticky bun french toast OR duck hash with roasted pears, bell pepper onions, potatoes with eggs and toast or the homemade biscuits . I am not sure if he drinks mimosa, but that’s part of the menu OR better yet the bloody Mary made with sake. Lunch- he loves burger…he can go to Windsor and try the Buns and Burgers for $6.99 he will have the meal deal with fries and drink. He will drive a bit north to Geyserville Trentadue winery and purchase dessert wine Chocolate Amore for his lovely Italian wife (they usually have a Valentine’s special {<3}. Then head back south and drink beer and appetizers at Bear Republic in Healdsburg then to SR downtown Russian River Brewery for more beer and appetizers. He loves pizza, he'll either go to Mombo's Pizza (Joe Montana's favorite) or Rosso's best pizza in the county, OR he can swing by the stone throw Italian Riviera Ristorante for more pasta (he can try the local entree Levi Leipheimer spaghetti or Odessa Gunn ravioli) For BBQ try Porter's for pork ribs and the spicy house sauce. This will be the best Valentine surprise when I open my email and win a tix. Happy <3 day Heather!

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  36. start with breakfast at Flavor’s Bistro… lunch at Russian River Brewing Co for a Mikey Pizza and some bad ass beer.. next Catelli’s the Rex for dinner in Geyserville.. and a midnight snack at Delicias Elenita on Sebastopol Rd for some real mexican food.

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  37. Interesting, Captain. Transport Tony Bourdain to the Rohnert Park Hooters.

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  38. Would take him to Delicias Elenita on Sebastopol Rd for some REAL mexican cooking.

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  39. Casino Bar and Grill, then the Washoe House for a drink that would turn into the rest of the night. Don’t think we’d get too far after that.

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  40. Mr. Bourdain will get down and dirty if he spends the day with me!

    First stop 5 am to milk the cows at http://www.McClellandsDairy.com

    Then while Jana churns her Organic Artisan Butter which we will use later,

    off to http://www.RanchDinner.com Red Hill Ranch to gather Organic Free Range eggs with Kitty.

    Next stop Grotto Rossotti http://www.RossottiRanch.com for a Leg of Lamb raised by Julie.

    We will need some greens, so off to http://www.GreenStringFarm.com to pick fresh vegetables for our feast!

    http://www.PetalumaGap.com will suggest wine for our meal, which will be prepared in my kitchen,

    oh, and by the way…it will all be filmed and aired on http://www.CookingWithLaurieFigone.com

    Did I mention Anthony will be on K.P. Duty!!!

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  41. The dump….and leave him there!

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  42. Howards for a late breakfast then across the street for a good brew at Barley & Hops followed by a walk at Goat Rock, maybe a joint. Head back on River Road stopping off for another bump at The Blue Heron and yet another at George’s crooked old place. Stop for a carnitas and a lengua taco at El Tapatia in Guerneville. Another short walk to see the redwoods at Armstrong then a drink on the sunny riverside deck at Stumptown before heading in to Willies Wine Bar. From there its downtown SR until you fade.

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  43. Breakfast at Howard’s Cafe in Occidental!!
    Lots of meandering along the wineries. Korbel always makes a nice stop.
    Lunch? Santa Rosa Seafood
    Lagunitas/The brewery tours guys!
    Dinner? the girl & the fig
    After dinner? Drinks and crepes at Rendezvous
    Late night snacks at Russian River Brewing Company

    The staple will always be… Howard’s Cafe! I can’t get enough of that place.

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  44. Oh Anthony! How shall we torture you best? We meet him at the plane with a limo stocked only with ice, water and Germain Robin. We head directly to the 440 Club for a breather before driving to Occidental for drinks at the bar and a big Italian family dinner at Negris. I imagine him staying at Hotel La Rose, so on the way back to Santa Rosa we would pit stop at Underwood for a few glasses of Russian River Pinot then head to Starks for the final night cap. From there it would be best to walk the rest of the way back to the hotel. The next morning is brunch poolside at the Flamingo to take in the views of the hillside and the mid-century architecture while sipping Korbel Mimosas (Korbel for the history and local color) and shooting Hog Island oysters. A quick swim to clear the head would be a good idea at this time. Heading out from there we would mentally prepare ourselves for getting our hands dirty. How cruel would it be to head to the salmon and steelhead hatchery at Lake Sonoma to hand fertilize fish eggs? Hey, if you can eat good salmon you should at least try to make yourself useful! Right? Afterwards lunch would shoot it to the patio nearby at Coppolas’s place in Geyserville. After lunch would be a good time to wander over to Geyserville and witness how Diavola produces their charcuterie and makes the wood fired pizza. The day would end appropriately at cocktail hour 4:30 to 5:30 to watch the sunset from the deck of Gourmet au Bay on Bodega and sort out all of the thoughts and sights that Anthony had gathered for the last 24 hours.

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    • Really? The 440 club?? Really?? He likes dives…not places that are frequented by transients, drug addicts, and criminals. You want the guy to have fun…not be stabbed and leave with HEP-C.

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      • As far as I can tell from reading his books and watching his shows, he probably already has hep and will be the one transmitting it, not getting it. Also, the 440 is the only place around besides the Belvedere where he can catch a smoke and not get so much as a glance. Can you picture his reaction when he is greeted with “welcome to Sonoma County, now hand over your cigarettes!”

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        • Shoot! I didn’t realize that we were seeking out the places where we can accommodate his smoking habit. Forgive me for thinking we were supposed to be picking places where we could take him to highlight the less known gems of Sonoma county that were off the beaten path – not the gutter. Maybe he will want to do some meth without being judged? I’d just suggest under the freeway over by the mall. Or maybe do some blow without a 2nd glance…well, he’ll find that in the bathroom at Chrome Lotus. Maybe next time.

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          • Which shows me you don’t actually know Bourdain. He quit smoking a while back.

  45. I would take Sir Borxdain to Omelet Express. I suspect King Tony enjoys the sight of breasts, and the waitstaff at Omelet Express often seem to wear low-cut shirts. After a breakfast of titillation “tee hee” I would take him to Portofino’s for lunch, which I was once told is the “place to meet women who want a little class but not too much”. My girlfriend often tells me that she wishes my name was more French-like, or anything other than my current name, and that she wishes I had hair, so I suspect Tony “Bouffant” Bourdain would be quite happy there.

    After that lunchtime excitement I think he would enjoy a dinner at Cattleman’s. True story: if you tell them it’s your birthday you get a free cowboy hat! Even if it’s not your birthday! Tony “too good for Cyrus” Bourdain often espouses the benefits of small business and I have to assume the Lacquered Cowboy Hat business is a small one. He would also be near Sur Ly Table and could pick out a nice gift napkin.

    After that I would take him drinking to our various beer chuggeries, before walking him to his car in the city lot across the street from Club Seven/Vine/Under New Management where he would drive away or possibly be gunned down by the ghosts of former gang members who now haunt that brick monolith.

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  46. Taking Anthony Bourdain strait from the airport we would go to Roy’s Hot Doggery in Petaluma or Superburger in Santa Rosa, I know how he enjoys the street food. We would then Healdsburg go through the Dry Creek/Geyserville area tasting a few wines, possibly playing bocce at the Coppala Estate. For dinner I would have to explore some of the finer dining we have to offer possibly Madrona Manor or Zazu showing the bounty we have here. In the evening we would explore some of the micro brews hitting up Laugunitas, Third Street Aleworks, Russsian River Brewery, or the Bear Republic giving a point of view that we just don’t do wine. Breakfast I would suggest Mr. Moms in Petaluma or Carlos’ Country Kitchen in Santa Rosa, for a quick grab Cafe des Croissants, for a departing lunch we would go to El Coqui or Abyssinia Restaurant showing off some of the ethnic diversity we have.

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    • Great Dive Bars to go to – Volpi’s, Andresan’s, or The Buck Horn in Petaluma.
      The 8 Ball, Spanky’s, or The Yacht Club in Cotati.
      The Zoo, The Wagon Wheel, or The 440 Club in Santa Rosa.
      The Forestville Club in Forestville.

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  47. Start at Freestone Bakery with wood fired goodies and a cup of joe. Drive over Coleman Valley Road to Bodega Bay, through in a Crab Pot for some Dungeness.
    Back to Forestville, enjoy the view and bubbles at Iron Horse Winery. Now drive over Wolher Bridge Route to Healdsburg, ending at Jim Town Store for anything on the chalkboard. Wash it down at Medlock Ames while discussing food with the “Doug’s”
    Off to Rohnert Park to go to Hana. Fantastic food in a strip mall. Have chef Ken prepare you the crab you caught and eat his other awesome dishes.
    Finish up with a beer at Russian River Brewery. Yeah, that’s Sonoma.

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  48. “They’re nihilists, Donny, nothing to be afraid of.”

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  49. Are ya kidding me? Take Tony to a Guy Fieri place?
    No, no, no…
    Breakfast would start at Hallie’s Diner in Petaluma…of course we would need to grab a cup of freshly roasted coffee from Petaluma Coffee and Tea before heading to Tara Firma Farms to learn about sustainable farming with pigs and chickens. To add to the farm mojo cross over to Greenstrings Farm to sample more goodness. Lunch would be a must in the Roseland Area at Sazon’s- delicioius Peruvian food without pretense. Slide over to Infusions Teahouse and Chocolatiers for wonderful chocolates Afternoon wine tasting at Hook and Ladder Winery and Martinelli’s in the River Road Area. Then to a delicious Ethiopian-Eritrean Dinner at Abyssinan Restaurant in Santa Rosa. Top all that off with a bit o coffee at Aroma Roasters and a night cap a the Jackson Bar and Grill in Santa Rosa. If he is still hungry head down for late night pie at Pete’s Henny Penny 24 hour restaurant in Petaluma

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  50. Hopefully it’s a Sunday and we would start with breakfast at Hole in the Wall in Sebastopol-best biscuits and gravy in the county and then head over to Sebastopol Farmer’s Market to show off all our amazing local artisans and farmers and especially see the goat cheese guy. He looks like the Peruvian cousin of “The Most Interesting Man in the World” and is so friendly and his chilli goat cheese is to die for. Then a quick trip up to Geyserville and Diavola. Tony loves Italian so their amazing pizza, pasta and home made sausage and salumi should hit the spot. Back down to Santa Rosa with a stop for a snack at Delicias Elenita taco truck on Sebastopol Rd. Best pastor tacos! In a perfect world it’s Handcar Regatta Weekend, so we drop in and see the awesome races and crazy costumes. Head over to 4th street for some of Russian River Brewing Co’s fantastic libations, he has to try the Consecration and a Pliny. Then finish off the night with Torch of India’s phenomenal Paneer Tika Masala. Late night drinks and hosin ribs at Underwood bar and grill.

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  51. I’d take him to Roseland as the black tar is easy to find with no references. Then to Johnny Garlics. Impossible not to have a good time there when ABs nodding off.

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  52. So here is what I would do to show that Bourdain a good time in our awesome corner of the globe:
    Start things off in Healdsburg for lunch and tasting. My picks are Jimtown to pick up a sammie (BBQ brisket with Dave’s pickles); check out all the cool stuff in the store, then head over to Stryker with sammies in hand for a bite and to taste. Some Rockpile reds would be in order. Next stop over to California Carnivores – what could possibly be a better gift to take his little angel than a Venus Fly Trap or perhaps a Pitcher Plant? Onward & westward to Drakes Beach to spy on the Elephant Seals. Winding our way back to Bodega to a little spot called the Casino B & G. Mark can fill Tony in on the history & “The Birds” all while dining on oysters and other tasty bites! Then we might as well head to Petaluma to check out downtown. Eclectic shops & impressive homes are worth exploring. Final stop of the night – Washoe House for some stiff drinks and games of 6-4-24 with the bar staff! The next morning head to Sonoma for coffee and bite o’ breakfast at Basque, wander the square a bit for more randomness, maybe check out the Mission…or Mission Inn if that is preferred. Final stop before sending him on his way is Juanita! Juanita! for the best damn carne asada tacos. A well rounded, off the beaten path experience that is just the ticket for A.B.

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  53. Ok, for breakfast, we are going to go to The Cook House on S. A Street, good food and just enough of a dive to keep him happy.
    After that, a drive out to the ocean, show him the beaches and stop at Paisano Bros for some super fresh crab. We will head north to and head towards Guerneville and take a trip wine tasting out Westside Road, making sure to stop at Moshin for some great Pinot Noir, and Twomey for for some Sauvignon Blanc before we get into Healdsburg.
    In Healdsburg, we will stop at Kevin McGee’s garage for some great nano-brewed beer from Healdsburg Beer Company, the we will stop at Taqueria El Sombrero for some good Mexican food before heading back to Santa Rosa, so he can put on his wildly entertaining show.
    After the show is over, we are heading downtown to Ausiello’s, again just enough of a dive to be fun place to end the evening.

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  54. Well, I would of course have to start out at Tex Wasabi’s for lunch and then on to Johnny Garlic’s (and pump up all the good community work that Guy does around here). From there, I would get a little more serious and take him out to Spud Point for a little clam chowder. Why there? Just to be nice and show him some of our beautiful coastline – plus the chowder is superb. And even though he smokes, he claims to be interested in a healthy lifesyle, so I would travel back North for a walk in Armstrong Woods followed by a sit-down for a great sandwich at Big Bottom (where he can also watch as I eat an unhealthy biscuit).

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  55. Early breakfast at Fremont Diner for Biscuits and Gravy and a couple of PBR’s to wash it down. Head over to Della Fattoria and pick up a couple of loaves. Head over the Creamery and pick up some cheese. Stop by Hopmonk for a quick pint on the way to westside road. Tasting and late lunch at Williams Selyem. Back to Russian River Brewing for some Pliny( hopefully still available). Dinner at Starks for red meat and bourbon. Cab ride home.

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  56. Send him straight to Napa County. Keep Sonoma County goodness a secret!

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  57. A Layover for the snarky “chef” and talented writer:
    Breakfast at Jeffreys Hillside Cafe
    A trip to Sonoma – Artisan Foie Gras Farm (to discuss and enjoy the tasty, humanely raised delicacies… that our government seems to think is their right to remove from our plates)
    You stole my idea about Mark’s Casino and Grill (but still worth a trip out there, plus you’ve got the Bird’s house). Or there is the 440 Club. While he’s out there, a visit to Terrapin Creek wouldn’t be a bad idea.
    Dinner- he should be forced to choke down some Guy Fieri sushi at Tex Wasabi, then wander around town drunk looking for late night snacks (aka San Fran episode).
    With whatever time is left- a sampling of the farmers markets and taco trucks, the necessary visit to a winery or two (somewhere small like Mounts) and some spicy Peruvian food at the lovely hole in the wall known as Sazon.
    To end the Layover- drinks and dinner at my house.

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    • LOL! that would be a sight to see, a chef like him to be forced to consume what they call sushi @ Tex Wasabi.

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  58. BBQ lunch at BBQ Smokehouse in Sebastopol. They have the Best Ribs in SoCo. An afternoon wine tasting at Coppola Winery and snack of the zucchini fries at Rustic up in Geyserville. The best sushi dinner at Hana where Ken can spoil his love for sushi. Take him for late night drinks at Portofino’s – where you can get the delish “Joel Drink” or the ever popular Cantaloupe Martini AND he can get the best chocolate mousse cake ever. Next would be “fourth meal” at the divey but fabulous 24 hour Henny Penny in Petaluma. The next day, lunch at Cucina Paradiso in Petaluma where you can get the best homemade pappardelle and seafood pasta dish and then end at Point Reyes Farmstead Blue/Cowgirl Creamery for a wine and cheese treat before he takes off.

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  59. I think a morning start in Healdsburg at the Farmer Market, at Chef Mateo’s Truck with his version of Huevos Rancheros, then,
    a trip to the about to be closed (building was sold) John & Zeke’s bar nearby, where Tony can lament the passing of yet another dive bar (He loves doing that)
    I would suggest a bivalve trip to Marshall for Oysters, but that’s Marin.
    Perhaps the Girl & the Fig for a nice lunch, then for dinner (since we’ve already done Healdsburg)
    the Farmhouse in Forestville or coming back to Cyrus which is steps away from the about to late great John & Zeke’s might make a nice ironic juxtaposition too!

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    • Wait, what? John and Zeke’s is closing? When did this happen?

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      • It’s been sold , and the new owner will not be renewing the lease. Word is that the space is going “Beverly Healdsburg” . However the current lease holders may take the old name and old concept to another space, if they can find one, by the end of the year.

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